She decides: Tiger mom Eveline Wu

Mood, Mood Strijp-S, Mood streetfood, Mood Rotterdam, Mood streetfood Leidschendam, Mood Club, Stadspaviljoen and Chineespaviljoen. Eveline Wu is slowly but surely building her restaurant empire. If you are from the Brainport area, you will surely know of her. I meet this busy lady at Het Stadspaviljoen – Eveline’s newest outlet with what must be the most beautiful back garden in Eindhoven. I intend to ask her about all her achievements, but am also curious about what she’s missing out on through all her hard work: what has she sacrificed to get to where she is today? And where does she ultimately want to get to?

Text: Mariska Pinxt – van Iersel
Image: Mirella Steenhof

Traditions
Had her father never left China, Eveline would have become a housewife after she graduated. She would’ve had to marry a rich man, have children and her life would have been complete. The woman before me does not seem the type for such a fate. “That’s just how it goes in China. Women have one job and one job only: to take care of the family. My father decided to emigrate to the Netherlands to work as head chef at his sister’s restaurant. He was a head chef in China already, but when your family calls, you go. At that time, a lot of people were relocating to other countries.” The Netherlands is a country full of possibilities. Where there is equality between men and women. “I grabbed the chance to develop myself with both hands. I learned the trade from my father and aunt, and got to meet the best chefs that way. I was always very observant and took it all in to become the best I could at my job. Equal opportunities, a good salary. You don’t have to work your way up from pot washer; you can get cooking straight away”.

Foundations
Eveline opened her first restaurant aged 22. More would follow. “Each of my restaurants are a reflection of how I’d want things to be if I were to go out for a meal with friends. I want to be able to choose from all kinds of fabulous dishes.”

This is restaurant number eight, and I’m wondering how many more there are to come. “The goal is not – and never has been – to accumulate restaurants. I want a strong foundation for my children, so that they don’t need to work quite as hard as I did.” Wouldn’t they rather have a mum who’s at home more? “I’m not at home very often. But when I am, we have quality time together. I’ll brush my daughter’s hair and do her make-up. I’ll cut my son’s hair and we’ll go out for a bite to eat together. They’ve only ever known me to be at work all the time.” The children have never asked for her to be at home more. Unlike Eveline’s own mother, who’d rather see her spending more time in the home, working less and getting pampered. Her parents are not aware of how many restaurants Eveline has currently; it’d only make them worry. They are 75 and 60 years old and won’t be here forever. Eveline can’t imagine life without them.

“I’ll cry all day long when they go. But it won’t make me work any less. I’d get a nanny for the kids, like they had when they were little.”

She says she changed no more than three nappies for her children – the nanny did that. What matters is that children feel loved, not who changes their nappies, she says.  I’m struck by how differently her life could have looked had she not come to the Netherlands. I’m also confronted by my own biases. What do you mean, you didn’t change your own kids’ nappies? Interesting that I have that thought, being a modern woman myself who shouldn’t judge. Maybe it’s because a home-work balance is a big thing in my own life.

“I’m a tiger mom. I’ve always taken the kids out to restaurants with me, let them try new tastes to get them interested.”

Tiger mom
She runs eight restaurants and will have to slow down at some point. “I’m a tiger mom. In that sense, I’ve always kept the children close to me. I’ve always taken them our to restaurants with me, let them try new tastes to get them interested. My hope is that they’ll take over from me down the line. I’m laying the foundations to make things a bit easier for them in turn.” But what if they want to do something else, I ask Eveline. Will they be given the space to follow their own path? Eveline squirms a little, then says: “Of course they need to be able to follow their own hearts. But I’d find it tough if they chose something else. Maybe they could combine a few different things. Study whatever they want to study and keep a hand in the business on the side.” Her 16-year-old daughter attends her Eindhoven restaurants more and more regularly. Luckily, she enjoys helping out.

Something to prove
Back to Eveline. I’m wondering if she feels she has something to prove? She hears the question then repeats it back to me. “I don’t feel I have anything to prove. But I do need respect. Mutual respect, that is. When we moved to the Netherlands, we left behind a life of luxury in China, with a driver, nanny and home help. Here, we had to do everything ourselves. That shaped me into who I am today, and was a good thing. But I did want to feel respected.”

She is quite emphatic about this, as transpires from the rest of our conversation. Her children must greet everyone at work politely, her managers must treat staff respectfully – it doesn’t matter who or what you are, Pot washer or chef, everyone deserves respect. She describes herself as lazy and not smart. Which shocks me, coming from a woman who is never at home and has so many businesses. “Whenever I have a spare hour at home, I like to sleep. I collapse on the sofa and close my eyes. Another person might use that time to do the washing, or some work admin perhaps. But I’d rather sleep.”

And what about the not smart belief, I ask? She turns to other entrepreneurs who she believes are far more experienced and educated than she is for advice.

Not smart in my mind automatically equates to stupid. Not – gladly – not in hers, it seems.

“I’ve never come on to a man before anyway, I don’t think it’s right.”

Love
For a long time, she was in search of true love after her first relationship. The children are older, she is independent, she doesn’t need anyone to start a family with or to take care of her and the kids.

“A friend of mine told me she’d gone on Tinder; no way am I doing that. People would recognise me and I really wouldn’t want that. In any case, I’ve never come on to a man. I don’t think it’s right, and I’ll never just approach someone.”

Rather old-fashioned for an independent woman of allure. Perhaps it’s a hangover from a traditional culture. When she and the children’s father separated, there was no question that the kids would stay with her. “The children are mine. I don’t want any to-ing and fro-ing of stuff. I want peace. People may judge me for saying that. But I believe that children should have a permanent place to stay. That doesn’t mean their father doesn’t see them. He has a key to my house and can come and pick them up any time. But they live with me, and that suits him fine, too.” When I ask her to describe her dream man, she says he is charming, sweet and funny. Oh, and he wears a suit. She lowers her voice slightly and says: “I’d want someone to love me, but without making a song and a dance about it. I can be a doll, but I don’t always want to be. I also want to be loved when I’ve got no make-up on and am slouched on the settee. I’d want it to show on our faces that we’re in love.”

She subsequently doubts whether she could offer a man what he was looking for. We conclude that a man is most likely to show up when she’s least expecting it.

She’s never lonely, though: there are always people around her. But she doesn’t really have time for friends. One of her best friends lives in Miami, and another is an entrepreneur. She is used to seeing friends on an irregular basis. When asked how she would describe herself, Eveline hopes she is a good person. Good for the people around her. Because, although she isn’t home much, she is still building a foundation. If there is something she can do for someone – anything at all – she’ll do it. She’s never lonely, though: there are always people around her. But she doesn’t really have time for friends. One of her best friends lives in Miami, and another is an entrepreneur. She is used to seeing friends on an irregular basis. When asked how she would describe herself, Eveline hopes she is a good person. Good for the people around her. Because, although she isn’t home much, she is still building a foundation. If there is something she can do for someone – anything at all – she’ll do it.

She decides
Eveline Wu is a woman who knows what she wants in her career, who makes decisions and takes control of her life. A life in which tradition and progressiveness go hand in hand. On balance, I decide that some of the statements this lady makes sound harsher than they really are, and that they are more nuanced than she makes out. Substitute ‘lazy’ with ‘rests’ and ‘not smart’ with ‘self-made’.

She decides. She is a caretaker, has care taken for her and first and foremost, wants to be a good human being.

And when the day comes that that dream man presents himself, she will decide whether or not to be led by her heart.